


ill break you down (and swallow you up)

by tmakuo (YinKai), YinKai



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Blow Jobs, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, M/M, Nipple Play, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Pack Bonding, Praise Kink, Rimming, Rough Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Tension, Somnophilia, Spanking, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:37:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8835988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YinKai/pseuds/tmakuo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YinKai/pseuds/YinKai
Summary: Hot. He felt inexplicably, overwhelming warm in the bundle of blankets looped tightly around his frame. His shirt collar was drenched in sweat and the seam of his underwear was utterly soaked.No.-OrZhang Yixing was a late bloomer, but never doubted he'd present as a beta at least; maybe an alpha.Until he doesn't.





	1. Chapter One | The Eve

**Author's Note:**

> Really just a self-indulging, Yixing-centric compilation because I support the cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Status: Edited
> 
> [2018. 05. 01]

"How do you feel, Yixing?" Dr Woo asked in that soft, professional voice most doctors used. The metal of the stethoscope was ice cold against Yixing's chest as it searched for its patient's heartbeat.

Yixing exhaled, a meditative, slow breath. "Normal."

Dr. Woo hummed, allowing Yixing to roll his sweater down while she turned to jot down something on the clipboard tucked in the crook of her elbow. 

A clock ticked on in the silence. Yixing had grown pathetically familiar with the hospital room. It was a sad little place he had visited twice a month since his eighteenth birthday. Since the day he woke up without a status. 

"Your vitals are fine. Have you been taking your medicine?"

"Which one?" Yixing couldn't help the tiny sardonic bite in his tone. Dr Woo smiled sympathetically and Yixing couldn't show how much he hated that. He didn't like people pitying him or feeling bad because he was the only one in his pack without a secondary gender. Which was just fine with him. He didn't like conforming to the status quo anyway. He sipped his soda from the can with a straw and ate his bananas with a spoon (though that was usually because of Baekhyun's merciless dick jokes). 

Dr. Woo chuckled. "All of them, Yixing."

"Mmh. Maybe." 

"Yixing."

Yixing sighed at the chiding tone, pouting up at the elder woman that had once had a head of full black hair when they first met. It was peppered with grey now, more limp than full. Yixing wondered if he was the cause for some of those silver strands. "I'm a dud, aren't I?"

The derogatory word made Dr Woo grimace, a deep crease settling between her immaculate brows. "You're not a dud Yixin-"

"I'm a dud." Yixing cut in, clasping his hands in his lap and levelling a tired stare to the farthest wall. The bare white paint made a small chill run down his spine, shoulders hiking to his ears as his body instantly began to curl unto itself. Slowly, as though he were trying to disappear. "I'm tired of dragging this out. I'm never going to present."

"You're still young Yixing," Dr Woo encouraged, laying her dexterous, aged palm on Yixing's drooping shoulder. The skin around her fingers was freckled, wrinkling the tiniest bit. The smile on the woman's face was still the same after all these years; crooked teeth and thin red lips. Once upon a time, that smile made Yixing hope too.

Now he knew how conditioned and fake it was. How beneath, the woman was just as defeated as Yixing. Just as tired of helplessly hoping. 

Yixing tugged on his jacket as his bimonthly appointment wrapped up, finding Minseok who awaited in the lobby. The eldest perked up at the sight of the dancer, an apologetic smile timidly finding his cherubic face at the grim set of Yixing's lips. He needn't say anything to know. He'd been accompanying Yixing since predebut. Yixing wondered if he was tired too. When they made it past the fans gathered outside the hospital gates and weaved through the parking lot, Minseok aided Yixing into the passenger seat with a gentle hand to the small of his fragile back.

Softly. "This time?"

Yixing let the quiet in the car wash over him, eyes catching his reflection in the rearview mirror. He zeroed in on the black ring around his eyes, plain and normal compared to the reddish tint to Minseok's. Minseok who was still staring at him with a small frown, hand braced patiently on the steering wheel. 

Yixing crumbled, the tears he fought to hold at bay streaming down his cheeks. The sob that escaped his throat hurt and he let Minseok pull him across the console to cradle his head against his chest.

 

"You have a fever."

Yixing groaned, shoving his head into the mound of pillows as far as it would go. Admittedly, his body felt a little sore, head throbbing with an oncoming migraine and spine pulsing with a mild ache. He blamed himself for dancing too hard in the wee hours of the dawn, pushing himself mercilessly until his lungs burned and his throat bled from lack of moisture. 

Luhan frowned, waving the thermometer in his hand. "Where's your medicine?"

"Don't need it." Yixing rasped, rising from his bed with the balance of a fawn. His knees quaked and a thin sheen of sweat glistened on his flushed skin. "Can you grab my pants?"

Luhan's frown deepened, but he complied nonetheless, setting aside the thermometer to help the ill dancer to dress. Yixing was not above sacrificing himself, his health specifically, to make sure they got to Korea in time for their concert. Sure it was ass-o'clock in the morning and his eyelids threatened to slam shut even as he stood there, teetering on his feet. But Yixing quickly grew accustomed to on a false front. 

He'd been pretending all his life. He'd always thought he deserved a Grammy.

Even as they trudged through the airport, baring through a sea of dedicated, cheering fans with banners that could be seen clearly from a mile away, Yixing forced himself to smile while his stomach churned and his gag reflex acted up. 

When they entered the plane after passing the gruelling security, he found the farthest corner to seclude himself in, ignorant of the worried eyes trailing after him. Jongdae invited himself to sit beside Yixing, draping a quilt over his body that quaked with the slightest of chills. 

"Do you want some tea? Midol?"

"I'm fine Jongdae-ah." Yixing assured despite the chatter of his teeth or the sweat trickling down his brow. Still, to settle the other, he rested his head on Jongdae's lap, falling asleep to fingers threading through his hair. 

 

A sick Yixing was nothing rare. He'd always had a particularly weak immune system and the fact that a fever decided to infect him after he'd embarrassingly cried his eyes out in a hospital parking lot and danced until his ankles bruised was nothing but his fault really. 

His poor health never stopped him from giving his all on stage as he rejoined with the rest of his pack who were stationed in Korea. If anything, being united again gave him the strength to smile through the ache in his lungs at every breath and the sting in his hips at every off-beat step. 

He smiled, even though it hurt.

 

Upon arrival to the Korean dorms, Yixing was unsurprised to find Taeyeon busying herself in the kitchen, chopping a bag of baby carrots. She was their assigned omega that visited at least once a week if their schedules didn't collide. Because the truth was, the infamous Exo pack wasn't traditionally complete.

Fact: they didn't have an omega.

Yixing remembered betting in their trainee days that Baekhyun would be the one to graze them with the blessing, but when he woke up one morning a mess of testosterone and unsolicited anger, his new status gave the group quite the shock. As well as the public. Since then, everyone was either popping a knot or caught in between.

Yixing figured he'd be another beta addition to the group; alpha, if his genes allowed it. He never really doubted for a second that he'd be the former. His personality always had that half-and-half quality. But if he were to present as an omega, a rare occurrence that only made up two percent of the population, Yixing didn't think it'd be too bad. If he were Baekhyun or even Zitao, perhaps who loved being doted upon and attached to the nearest breathing thing at the hip. Except Yixing didn't think he was very _omega_. He shied away from attention even on camera, preferring to mention another member's talents to cover his many faults. And he never really liked being coddled. Body heat was a stifling thing. Yixing couldn't stand the thought of being a disappointment, a bigger one than he already was. Of carrying the weight and responsibility of caring for eleven pack mates when he could barely care for himself. He could see the headlines that'd shock the industry about the omega male doing something as scandalous as a job meant for the alpha male apex. He remembered the story of what happened to that one group who's final member presented as an omega. It threw the dynamics off and tore them apart, each set head to head to win over the omega's hand. That wasn't really pack-like at all, Yixing thought, but the industry was so corrupt that groups were being forced to bestow that type of bond nowadays.

He didn't want to be the cause of his pack's breakup.

All this rummaged through his pretty little head as he stumbled into the dorms with the rest of his exhausted group. Taeyeon's cooking was heavenly to their noses, coaxing them to forego showers to drop at the tables just to sate their empty stomachs. Taeyeon went around, graciously allowing the alpha's first, respectively, and then the beta's to get a whiff of her sweet, lilac scent. It was a kind thing of her to do despite belonging to pack that had long ago since claimed her. She was trusting and caring that way. 

Yet Yixing gazed upon the setting with dazed eyes, zoned out. Everyone seemed instantly placated at her passing, at the quick sniff behind her ear. But she never stopped for Yixing, only throwing him an apologetic smile. He understood.

He couldn't smell anything anyway. He didn't know what Sehun to his left smelled like, or the petite Kyungsoo to his right. He could only smell through others. 

Ah, the joys of being a dud. 

"-xing. Yixing!"

The man snapped out of his poisonous thoughts at the call of his name. All eyes were on him, chopsticks and spoons were frozen in mid-air. Yixing blinked slowly, loosening his grip on the hem of his shirt. A hand reached out to cup his cheek and Yixing hissed and recoiled at the freezing touch to his scorching skin.

Kyungsoo frowned at his hand. "Are you sick?"

"No." Yixing muttered, shovelling a spoonful of stew into his mouth. He tried to swallow to prove his point, but it instantly backfired as his sensitive gag reflex gave a violent jolt and he barely caught himself in time to topple out of his chair and retch onto the dining room tile. Chaos broke out at once, voices overlapping one another and chairs scraping back. Yixing couldn't comprehend who was saying what, too focused on the burn of acid on his tongue and the sudden, spontaneous tightening of his pelvis, the muscles contracting wildly. There was crying, a quiet wail of agony that rang in his ears.

It took a second for him to register it as his own.

Arms were lifting him up and a voice-low and soft, Yifan-was cooing, consoling even as his eyes rolled back into his skull.

 

When Yixing woke up, it was to unfamiliar baby blue walls. There was a canopy of sheer white tied above him and a lamp lit in the corner, casting a violet haze to the room. Other than that, the room was bare and contained the sterile smell associated only with hospitals. The drapes were drawn tight but the clock at the bedside read a quarter to one in the morning and Yixing knew he'd been out for far too long. 

And he felt hot.

Inexplicably and overwhelmingly warm in the cocoon of blankets looped tight around his frame. He cringed at the sweat soaking his shirt collar, body twisting to loosen the viper-tight sheets until he noticed how utterly _soaked_ the seam of his underwear was. 

_No_. 

He heard the blood rushing through his ears more than he heard the frantic beeping of the heart monitor. He sat up quickly, head spinning at the sudden movement as he tripped, stumbled and peeled the blankets off his body. They collected on the floor with a soft thud where he left them, ripping the IV cord from his arms to barrel his way into the adjacent bathroom. The lighting was poor, but it was just enough for him to make out the ring of soft blue around his irises, bleeding into chestnut.

"Yixing?"

A pyjama-clad Yifan eyed him wearily, a small bag of snacks in hand. The beta set them down on the makeshift bed in the corner that Yixing had failed to notice in his stupor. Yifan held his large hands out as though he were trying to tame an animal. Yixing blinked before understanding why; he wasn't mindless with desperation. 

But he could smell the slight peppercorn scent drifting off of Yifan. Yixing practically tackled his leader, ignoring Yifan's yelp to nose at his throat, gripping knuckle-white onto his shirt to drown himself in the aroma.

"I can smell you Duizhang." His voice wavered, frame trembling in the beta's hesitant arms. Yifan embraced him against the expanse of his chest and Yixing could barely contain the hysterical laugh that bubbled from his chest, the sound wet and a little disgusting but Yifan chuckled fondly, petting the newly presented male's sweat-damp strands. 

And when Kris muttered. "Finally," Yixing couldn't agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright© YinKai 2017-18


	2. Chapter Two | The War Pt. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took much pondering; i just didn't want to head down the wrong road with this so much apologies for the wait.
> 
> and much thanks to my very _first_ beta for helping me clear up some things here. danke schön.
> 
> without further ado-
> 
> [2018. 05. 10]
> 
> Status: Edited

Yixing could still remember the feeling of presenting as if it were a week ago (it was, but let his delirious self believe otherwise). During Yixing’s stay in the omega ward, Yifan had been the only one permitted to visit him. The beta boldly dealt with Yixing's endless chatter and uncharacteristic need to stay touching something, someone. Sometime’s Yifan's head would rest on his lap. Other times, they would slot their bodies together as much as they could on the small hospital bed. The conversation that flowed between them was long and meaningful; nostalgic. Yixing could smell Yifan's signature peppercorn better than ever, the scent cradling him as the elder held him. Since his presentation, he realised his senses were heightened and his smell had improved stupendously.

And boy could he smell.

"Why do you smell like that?" Had been the first thing Yixing asked the fourth day of his "imprisonment". He stuck his nose into the crook of Yifan's neck, sucking in a deep breath and completely ignorant to the heat working its way into Yifan's cheeks. 

"What do I smell like?" Yifan asked softly, unable to help the urge to touch the omega (he still hadn't gotten used to it) that was leaning into him so far he was sure they'd fall over the edge of the tiny hospital bed. Carefully, Yifan laid a large palm on Yixing's hip and that seemed to encourage Yixing to lean a little closer until he was nearly on top of Yifan.

Yixing inhaled in quick succession, a confused crease in his brows. "The trees that were in my backyard at home in Changsha, I always climbed them." It clicked. He snapped and reeled back, much to the dismay of a certain beta. "Pine! You smell like pine trees."

"Oh," Yifan laughed, hoping Yixing didn't notice the slight strain in it. "That's Junmyeon."

"Myeon? Myeonie smells like pine?" Yixing was pleasantly shocked.

"Yup."

This gave birth to a thought that plagued Yixing's head; what did the rest of his pack mates smell like? It was a game of sniff and guess whenever Yifan came from then on. If Yixing caught the slightest whiff of _not_ Yifan, the former would secretly decide who the owner of such a smell be.

In whole, his stay at the hospital wasn't so bad. He'd had worse experiences but by far, his current stay at the place was one of the better ones, even if his gown was a little airy and asking for a change of sheets was _extremely_ embarrassing. The nurses were particular about his care, maximised because of his male omega and idol status. 

It was fun for a while, a little break of sorts until reality crashed upon his pretty little head and shattered the paradise of serenity he'd built for himself. And it all began with:

"Would you like heat suppressants and scent blockers to be prescribed before your discharge?”

Yixing stared at his doctor as though the woman had two heads. The gears in his head turned and rattled, his eyes grew larger if at all possible.

In a very tinny voice, he said: "I'm an omega."

It was the doctor's turn to look at him as if Yixing was sprouting another pair of eyes. Yixing didn’t realise the intensity of his situation until now and he wasn't quite sure why that was. Why did he let himself get carried away by the glee and joy of presenting after so, _so_ long? Why did he get caught up in himself and miss the most important, smallest detail? Yixing summed it up to plain ignorance and his airheadedness. 

Because the fact of the matter was simple. Zhang Yixing was an omega. The not so simple part was he was the _only_ omega in his pack, which he very well did not _want_ to be. 

Yixing released a very terrible, inhuman sound that had the doctor's eyebrows shooting up as she rushed over and began parading him with questions and concerns about his being. 

Nine hours before he would be granted the reprieve from icy cold walls and the smell of sterilizer and sanitation, Yixing wallowed in his own self-pity. It was one in the morning and while he should've been asleep, Yixing instead chose to sit at the bay window, staring up at the cloudless night sky and its plentiful stars, gaze searching as though he'd find his answer in the heavens. Why? Why him? Now don't get him wrong, Yixing had nothing against being an omega, a male one at that (he eats his bananas with a spoon. Status quo, remember?). But the problem laid in the fact Yixing was pretty damn sure he was the least omega person in the world. How was he supposed to act towards his pack now; how did they expect him to act? Junmyeon, with his conservative upbringing. Sehun who'd grown up in a houseful of omegas that doted on him every second of every day. Yixing came from a long, long line of betas, so he never received an omega’s 'renowned' care. It ate at his very soul to know he was going to disappoint some of the most precious people in his life. He had no idea how they would react. Hell, did they even _know_? Yixing snorted humorlessly, figuring that was a stupid question. Yifan probably would have told them, or at least Junmyeon, who was probably eavesdropped upon by the extremely nosy Baekhyun. Yixing doubted his secret was kept hush-hush under the Exo roof. 

In short, terror was disrupting his sleep for the inevitable as seconds ticked away into minutes and minutes into hours. No matter how heavy his eyelids were, the anxiety coursing through his veins was heavier and Yixing stared out the window unseeingly until the birth of another dawn specked over the horizon. 

A chime in the silence startled Yixing terribly, knee ramming into the windowsill. He hissed, rubbing the spot that'd certainly bruise as he hobbled over to the nightstand beside his bed.

It was a text from Minseok. Yixing's heart instantly constricted. He hadn't been in contact with any other members except Yifan for the past week. Not by force, but by choice. He felt they needed time; Yixing _definitely_ needed time. It seemed the time he was given just wasn’t enough. With a trembling thumb, he clicked the text box, staring at the impending dark screen as it loaded.

**no matter what, you know we still love you.**

Yixing collapsed onto the cot, knees deciding to give way to the tepid fear keeping him awake. How Minseok knew was beyond him, but Yixing didn't care, clasping the phone between his clammy palms so it wouldn't slip.

**Even if I'm a disappointment?**

He didn't get anything for a good minute. Yixing let himself slip further into the bed while the sun slipped further into the sky, the dark of night bleeding for the cerulean and gold of the day. _Ping!_

**you could never be a disappointment xingie**  
**now to go to sleep, right now. no more staying up**

Yixing released a soft, happy giggle, the weight on his shoulders lifting the slightest.

**Psychic aren't you?**

**-_- sleep.**

Adhereing to the older's words, Yixing set aside his phone and tucked himself into the woollen sheets. Sleep overcame easily, cradling his worrisome head as a mother to her bosom. He'd be fine, no matter what.

 _No matter what_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright© YinKai 2018


	3. Chapter Three | The War Pt. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Status: Edited
> 
> [2018.05.13]

Yixing wasn't sure what he was expecting for his departure. A giant crowd of fans outside the building maybe. Paparazzi with their HD cameras, shoving microphones into his face and berating him with questions, desperately seeking answers to spark some heat in the weekly tabloids. The thought made him queasy, nerves humming with anxiety. 

_Knock knock_. "Mr. Zhang, would you like a wheelchair?"

Yixing spun at the voice that certainly didn't belong to his nurse–it was too soft, too familiar. Minseok stood in the doorway, looking like the most handsome, coziest thing in his maroon turtleneck and charcoal blazer.

"Ge!" Yixing crossed the floor in quick strides, enveloping Minseok in his long, slender limbs. Just as he suspected, Minseok radiated enough heat for the both of them. When Yixing inhaled, the smell of a cafe shop on a mellow morning filling his nostrils, Yixing near went weak in the knees. In fact, he _did_ and Minseok was there to catch him with a surprised "Whoa!"

"You smell really good." Yixing murmured, wanting–needing–to get just a little closer. Minseok indulged him, an arm still laced around his waist to keep the omega upright. Yixing tightened his limbs, greedily pressing his face into Minseok's neck where the bitter scent of coffee was strongest. Black, no sugar, no cream; just plain, honest and pure.

It was a bit like inhaling a drug. Oh sweet, sweet endorphins.

"As much as I'm enjoying this, I think you should stop."

Yixing, if possible, held on a little tighter, voice muffled in Minseok's collar. "Why?"

"Because I'm not the only one who smells really good." The slight huskiness to his tone had Yixing jumping back as though he'd been burned, lips screwed in an awkward grimace. Minseok stared back at him with more red than brown in his eyes, an invisible rigid line traveling the length of his compact frame.

Yixing winced, rubbing sheepishly at his neck. "Sorry ge. I forgot that I'm an omega now."

"Only you would forget something like that." Minseok chuckled, shaking his head and seemingly shuddering off whatever had made his alpha purr. "I still can't believe it honestly. But I'm glad."

Yixing stood rather shiftily in the center of the room, a hand clasped over his neck to stave off the awkward tension working its way through the air. Quietly, he asked, "Are you here to take me home?"

Minseok smiled knowingly, nodding in the pressing silence.

Yixing coaxed his lower lip between his teeth. He was becoming an armadillo, shoulders hiking until they touched his ears and curved towards his cheeks. Except armadillo probably didn't wear suspenders. Minseok crossed the small space separating them, gently placing a hand on the hand at Yixing's nape and pulling it back to his side. Yixing nervously smiled at the reassuring touch as Minseok sweetly held his hands, small teeth and healthy gums beaming up at him. Yixing swore that smile could heal the wounded and create rainbows.

He said as much, looking away with a timid smile and pink dusting his cheeks. "Why are you grinning like that?"

"Because you're beautiful."

 _Well damn_. Yixing felt his heart give an aggressive jump at the words. If his cheeks were sporting the shade of the strawberry milk Baekhyun obsessed over so much, they were now certainly the color of actual strawberry preserves at the positively heart-jerking words. Yixing kind of wanted to pull away from Minseok because _hello_ embarrassment, but found himself unable to. As if Minseok would let him anyway. "Such a smooth talker ge. You're not too bad yourself."

"Please," Minseok rolled his eyes playfully, finally letting go of Yixing's increasingly clammy hands. "Where are your bags?"

"Over there," Yixing pointed, wiping his palms into his jeans. Minseok collected the single satchel and hospital tote sitting in the corner, turning to the buzzing Yixing with an unfathomable look in his sharp eyes. Yixing was glued to his spot, pivoting on that one tile as though he were afraid to move. And really, he was. He was afraid to step out of his box. Out of the room. Afraid to step outside into the painstaking reality that he was going to be an omega living in a dorm full of, well, _not_ omegas. And really that shouldn't have mattered, Yixing knew that no one in his pack was big on following the traditions of dynamics considering this new generation and time, but that didn't stop Yixing from worrying himself sick, terrified to enter a new lifestyle.

He wasn't ready. At all.

Minseok touching his shoulder startled Yixing from his reverie. The older was a very perceptive person and Yixing knew he could read him like an open book. The incredible thing was that Minseok was a person of little words, many actions. A single lift of his finger or brow conveyed enough emotion that words were never needed to know what was going on in Minseok's head. It was the blatant honesty in his eyes that made the tears Yixing was trying hard to hold back flow free, crawling past the brim of his eyes and sliding silently down his cheek. Minseok cupped the omega's jaw, gently brushing the tear away before it could reach his chin.

Yixing leaned into the warm palm caressing his face, lower lip trembling. "Gege, I'm scared."

"I know Xingie. I know." Minseok near whispered, soft voice softer and intimate in the quiet room. "But you don't need to be. I told you, nothing changes. Baekhyun's still gonna be clingy, probably more, and Junmyeon's gonna walk around with his head cut off every time you disappear, like usual." Yixing laughed at that, remembering the one time he'd decided to take a nap under his bed because the lights were too bright and woke up an hour later to Junmyeon nearly crying in frustration and concern because _what if he got kidnapped by someone offering him free coupon booklets?_

Yixing still wondered at the absurdity of the thought and once in a while grew offended to how much of an airhead people thought he was. He didn't mind too much anymore; it was funny now to watch them all stare in shock when he pulled a trick or two out of his hat. 

He certainly wished he could play a clever one now. Maybe something to spike his courage and soothe his nerves. Right now, his hat was a bit (a lot) empty. But Minseok eagerly filled that void, ignorant to risks as he leaned up to capture Yixing's lips in a kiss so tender, so soft that it was like a feather dancing across them. Yixing's eyes fluttered, an endearingly stupid look crossing his face. Minseok laughed, taking the omega's calloused hand in his.

"Come on, let's go home."

Apparently, the company had admitted Yixing to a private hospital where he didn't have to worry about nosy fans and extreme journalists. His departure from the sterile, cold place with painless and easy, Minseok helping him out of his wheelchair (they'd taken it just for Minseok to push Yixing around, much to the nurse's chagrin at Yixing's poor acting skills) and into the passenger seat of his rented automobile. _Less suspicious_ , he'd said. The hospital was only forty-five minutes from home, according to Minseok's trusty GPS:

_"Do you know where we're going?"_

_"I don't, but Google Maps does."_

_"Oh my god."_

Needless to say, it was the longest hour of Yixing's life. He was a lost cause, antsy and nonstop moving on the drive. From biting his nails, bouncing his thigh or picking at the strings frayed from his worn out sweater. It got so bad, Minseok tried to placate the omega with a flush of pheromones, coffee mixing with Yixing's salted caramel essence.

"You're probably gonna have to take scent depressors at least," Minseok said light-heartedly, but his fingers were cracking from how hard he was gripping the wheel. Yixing apologised and attempted to curl into a fetus in his seat, taking steady breaths to calm himself. Minseok kept throwing the younger concerned looks, but he himself was too anxious to bother Yixing, knowing he needed more time. Time to gather himself, to prepare his mind and body. Minseok was more worried about the latter. The newly presented omega was a babe in the technical complexities of a secondary gender; he'd only been an omega for a week and had very little, probably no exposure to alphas or many betas. Minseok had seen the way pretty, cerulean blue flushed Yixing's usual chestnut irises back at the hospital. Yixing had been instantly clingy like a baby to its mother. Minseok didn't doubt Yixing would've arched his neck in submission if Minseok had only asked. That was how vulnerable Yixing was in his state, his omega and ruling conscious not quite lined up yet.

The thought of somehow manipulating the omega scared the hell out Minseok.

Not that anyone in their group would ever do such a thing. On _purpose_ that is. More than once they had scuffles because someone 'accidentally' Ordered someone else (like that time after Baekhyun had first presented and jokingly Ordered Chanyeol. It was something small, but the effect was catastrophic. Chanyeol, hyper and eager Chanyeol, had completely blown up on Baekhyun, resulting in silence between the two for a near week. It had been uncomfortable for everyone else as well.)

But Yixing was an omega. Uncharted territory, a different type of blossom. Not with thorns, but with downy leaves and a fragile stem. 

At a stop light, Minseok took a second to gaze at the omega who had passed out in the passenger seat, glowing in the ten am sunlight. He reached over, compelled, brushing a stray lock of black from Yixing's forehead. The latter sighed softly, knees tucked to his chest and hands folded beneath his cheek. How he'd managed to sit like that with a seat belt on and fall asleep was a loss to Minseok, but he didn't particularly care. The sight was enough to make him want to take pictures. Unfortunately, an impatient driver behind honked and Minseok scrambled to pull off at the green light, blinking out of his daze. Yixing woke up not ten minutes later, eyes batting sleepily. Minseok smiled but his knuckles were pale around the wheel.

If Yixing was scared, Minseok was absolutely terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright© YinKai 2018


	4. Chapter Four | The Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my least favourite chapter because hi writer's block but its been a week and i needed to get something up. if its crappy, sincerest apologies.
> 
> all mistakes are mine.
> 
> warning: anxiety attacks
> 
> [2018.05.24]

The very, very first time Yixing performed, he was a scrawny lad in his second year of junior high. It was the school's annual talent show, and after much encouragement from his friends and family, he auditioned. 

Yixing never showed a soul his hidden passion for dancing. He kept those individual performances for the swaying trees that danced along with him in his backyard, keeping him company when his mother and father were diligently working, trying to provide for the growing boy. It was lonely, but Yixing hadn't minded. He was a mature, humble soul that found serenity in losing himself in rhythm. The music was controlling him, guiding him every step of the way. The music was his goddess, and he her muse.

Climbing onto that stage in the silence of the auditorium, his torn and worn Converse squeaking on the tarp, Yixing had never felt so troubled in his life. The judges were members of the student council. The way they watched him was so intense, it made Yixing delirious. He hadn't move a bit, but the heat was suddenly getting to him, the air thinning and cold sweat trickling down his temple.

Yixing was experiencing that very same feeling, amplified. Stomach roiling viciously, breaths shallow. The prepubescent Yixing nearly had a panic attack on that grand, looming stage.

The older Yixing was _having_ an anxiety attack on his front step.

"Yixing, Yixing, Yixing," chanted Minseok, dumping all the luggage in favour of placing his hands on Yixing's shoulders. He carefully guided the distressed omega to sit on the comfortable porch swing they'd had installed two summers ago. "Head between your knees Xing, come on." Yixing leaned over, caressing his temples with his kneecaps. He diverted himself by staring at the gaudy flower pattern on the swing cushion; hands stretched out palm up for Minseok to mindlessly massage his thumbs into. Minseok was mumbling in Chinese, speaking so low Yixing strained to hear what he was whispering. He supposed that was the point, to focus on something else and not the dread that iced his veins and made his heart quake.

"Can you say something, Xing?"

"I'm fine gege." The omega muttered, placated by the irregular shapes Minseok was tracing inside the clammy skin of his palm.

"Can you look at me?" Yixing weaved their fingers together, raising his head the slightest to meet Minseok's concerned gaze. Minseok hummed and kissed the omega's ruddy knuckles, smiling softly. There was a calm, aside from cars cruising down the street and the happy chirp of the Japanese tits. Yixing slowly felt his anxiousness ebbing away at the multitude of distractions surrounding him, mostly by Minseok's gaze never yielding nor the caress of his thumb against Yixing's pianist fingers.

"I'm sorry," Yixing cry-laughed, catching a stray tear with his sleeve before it could slide to his chin. "I just— Fuck, this is pathetic. _I'm_ pathetic."

"No, you're just overwhelmed." Pause. "Do you want me to go in first?"

Yixing paled at the thought of Minseok leaving him alone. Then again, he knew he needed to overcome that panic. He didn't need someone to hold his hand just because he was an omega. Yixing wanted to find the control and independence he had before presenting. That nonchalant facade he had even when words hurt. When the truth was worth fretting over. 

Yixing gently pulled his hands from Minseok's, feigning a sure smile. "Yeah, you go in. I'll be there in ten."

Minseok eyed him warily before nodding, rising from his crouch. He heaved Yixing's luggage away, duffel slung over a shoulder and suitcase dragging after. Yixing waited till he heard the door click shut before letting out his breath in a _whoosh_ of cool, apprehensive air. His fingers danced with each other, twiddling nonstop. Without Minseok's soft touch, they were quivering again, growing moist with nerves. Yixing inhaled a shuddering breath, lifting his head towards the sky. The midday sun blazed high, sitting in a cerulean pool filled with cotton-like clouds. It was a beautiful day, the perfect setting for laughter and refreshing sips of iced tea beneath the shade.

But there was a storm brewing in Yixing, thunder rumbling and thick clouds pregnant with trepidation.

Yixing closed his eyes, resting his brow against his clasped hands. At the most inappropriate moment (or rather, the right one) a memory resurfaced from the catacombs of his head. 

He was eight, sitting in the lap of his beloved grandmother. Her hands were wrinkled with age, the skin loose and worn from usage. But they were tender caressing Yixing's scalp. It'd been a week since his pet had passed and it still drove his fragile heart into the ground. As she consoled him, withdrawn tears slipped down his cheeks. He only ever wanted to cry in the presence of his grandmother; her comforting, wise presence always a trigger to the floodgates he held back.

_"Baobei, you don't have to hide your feelings."_

_Yixing looked up with doe eyes, reflecting all the innocence and purity of a child's soul. "What do you mean?"_

_"When you're going through something scary, and it feels like the world is out to get you, always remember that you don't have to go through it alone."_

Yixing wondered how she knew that. How did she know he was going to encounter something that seemed impossible to overcome. If she _knew_ this would happen. Yixing wouldn't put it past the woman. Headstrong, stubborn and clever she was, but she was also overflowing with experience and wisdom. 

Scrubbing the tears from his eyes with the heels of his palms, Yixing wiped the remains of his fear into his jeans, standing on trembling knees. His abrupt courage lead him by the hand with slow, careful steps. His heart was hammering in his chest in contrast to his hand that was reaching every so slowly for the glaring doorknob. 

He had his pack. He didn't have to go through this alone.

With a stabilising breath, Yixing pushed open the door—

And promptly lost all the feeling in his legs. He made a small, inhuman nose in surprise as the floor rushed to greet him, but arms snapped out before he could kiss the wood. 

Yixing gawked at the beaming, puppyish face of the one and only Byun Baekhyun who looked about ready to keel over from how bad he was shaking in pure unadulterated excitement. As if he were high off a sugar rush. Yixing inhaled, opening his mouth to thank the younger. Instead, the overpowering scent of sand and ocean water breezes clouded his senses. Yixing went boneless again, the other half of him, the barely a week old omega coursing through his veins whined. Baekhyun's grin vanished, jaw slack in surprise as Yixing mindlessly arched his neck, the curve of his throat tender and enticing. Yixing stared up through the wavy mess of coal fringe, cerulean surrounding his blown pupils. Baekhyun's crimson rings flooded the muddy brown of his eyes; gaze zeroed in on the ivory canvas waiting, begging to be marked.

And then he was gone, the lack of support leaving Yixing to fall on his hipbone. 

Then chaos broke out.

He couldn't process the mess he was witnessing. An aggravated, red-eyed Minseok straddled an adamant, thrashing Baekhyun. Minseok had a hand pressed to the vocalist's throat, pinning him to the wood and it made Yixing's blood run cold, knowing the blatant strength Minseok held in his petite hands. He could crush Baekhyun's phalanx if he wanted.

This wasn't what he wanted. They weren't supposed to be _fighting_ because of him.

Yixing winced at the pressure in his spine as he rose, croaking a pitiful "Stop!" that didn't make it past the lump in his throat. His words went unheeded, voices inter-lapping and scents mingling, blurring in a migraine. Looking around, it dawned on Yixing that every single member of his pack's eyes shone red or golden, reminding Yixing of fire; of flickering flames and crackling embers. His omega cowered, clawed at his chest in fear of the alphas and betas crowding the room, and it acted for the best of their safety.

He made a noise, a scared whimper of betrayal. Shouting ceased, heads snapping towards the omega who was on the verge of tears.

"Xing-"

Yixing spun on his feet and fled, climbing the steps to the second-floor by twos. He was having an out-of-body experience, watching behind the one-sided pane of his eyes as his omega rushed to build him a sanctuary. A place he could feel relaxed, protected.

Because he didn't feel safe in his own home.

The door was slammed and locked. The bed stripped of sheets and blankets and pillows that were thrown carelessly into the closet. Sculpted into an unattractive mat of some sort, Yixing shoving the shoes aside to make room for himself. When he was satisfied with the heap of fabric, he closed the louvred closet doors, cringing at the sunlight still peeking through the slits. Heart heavy with guilt, Yixing curled up in his nest, knees practically touching his sternum, shaky hands pressed over his ears.

As tiny hiccups crept past his throat, Yixing wanted to tell his grandmother how very wrong she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright© YinKai 2018


	5. Chapter Five | Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i thought maybe i should give a few shiners on my take for this concept before you read and go: 'the fuck is this'.
> 
> in my take of the a/b/o trope, a secondary dynamic is like having a second conscious. you hear it and acknowledge it, but you choose whether to listen to it. sometimes it overpowers you (like ruts or heats) and sometimes it doesn't. but either way, the dynamic is conjoined with you soul, ultimately making it you.
> 
> so when i say 'yixing's omega' it really means 'this needy piece of sh-'
> 
> you get it. (probably not, its after midnight i can't explain shit)
> 
> anyways, enjoy
> 
> [2018.14.06]

Yifan's anger was not a thing to be taken lightly. Sure, he was a quiet, albeit odd soul on most days unless you irked him enough. Then he'd have a small temper tantrum, rant into his pillow and return level-headed again. But an enraged Yifan was another sight entirely.

An enraged Yifan had every member cowering beneath his blazing amber gaze. He was a beta, but crossing the man was never in anyone's favour.

"You idiot," Yifan snapped, raking a hand roughly through his stress-wild hair. Baekhyun flinched at the sharpness of Yifan's deep timbre, the fury laced into his slurring accent.

"I—"

Yifan's head snapped to look at the alpha, brow flickering. Baekhyun was quick to clamp his mouth shut, even though the alpha in him grumbled to snap back.

But they weren't like that. They were _never_ like that.

"It's not entirely his fault," Junmyeon pacified, pressing a hand to Yifan's chest. The latter shut his eyes with a huff, his scowl morphing into a deep frown. "I'm not proud of it, but I was about ready to jump Xing, too. We _all_ were."

It was no secret as to why. What other way were they to react to their packmate, an omega, entering their household? For years, it'd been taking turns rubbing against Yixing so he'd smell like something when the lack of that tiny detail made them squirm in discomfort. Comforting him when he acted like he didn't need it. And maybe he didn't; Yixing was a robust and stubborn soul. He did things not in favour of his benefit, but those around him. An altruist by nature.

Right now, he needed them. But they couldn't even get their act together. Couldn't stop themselves from going head over heels at a single whiff of his sweet _intoxicating_ scent. Fuck, it'd hit them out of nowhere. One minute, the atmosphere was ablaze with anticipation because he was _finally_ coming home. And then the next, eyes were rolling back, and noses were tilting in the air as caramel greeted their nostrils. Yixing smelled like a hot, steaming coffee concoction of the frothiest cream and the sweetest sugar on an autumn's eve. He smelled like euphoria. Ecstasy. Even now, his aroma lingered, dense and suffocating as if he hadn't quite gotten a grip on controlling his pheromones.

It drove them insane.

Jongdae broke the doomed silence first, throwing a pillow down with a bothered growl. "I'm going up there."

Yifan grabbed the vocalist by the arm, shaking his head. "Dae, that's a terrible idea."

"He's right." Kyungsoo murmured, his sudden opinion demanding everyone's attention. They all looked closely to the tiniest alpha who was in the kitchen, gently stirring a mug of tea. His control was admirable, but it was a veil. His eyes were just as vibrantly flushed as the rest. He was just as affected. "Yixing just presented. Putting him in a room with a bunch of alphas won't do anyone any good. We're idiots for not realising sooner."

Kai frowned. "No one warned us."

"Yeah, well no one warned Yixing he was gonna be an omega either." Junmyeon huffed, collapsing on the chaise lounge. A sombre air settled over the room, pensive gazes falling to the oak hardwood, streaked with rubber marks.

"It's gonna take him a while to adjust." Luhan sat back, hands intertwined above his crossed knees. "Most of us are alphas, so it's not like we can avoid him."

"We shouldn't have to," Minseok finally spoke from his spot at the window, silently brooding with an uncharacteristic frown on his face. He cut his eyes at the others, every ear tuning into the eldest alpha. "He almost gave himself a heart attack just because he was afraid of what would happen. And we just gave him a reason to be. He probably doesn't even feel safe, and we have no one to blame but ourselves."

"So what are you suggesting we do?" Baekhyun surrendered, guilt proud on his face. The rest shifted restlessly, awaiting an answer. No one was more desperate than the other to make amends for his carelessness. He wasn't a teenager, for god sake. But Yixing certainly made him feel that way. He should've known better.

"It's not rocket science. We fix this mess we've created."

 

Yixing slept relaxed with four crucial things: a thin sheet, crisp air, the softest pillows and tea.

He had everything but the latter, which was fine. There was security in his nest of blankets and pillows that he'd drooled on numerous times (even the stains were still there, marking his territory). It was those things that lulled him to sleep, and when he woke up, they were still there, the sheets wrapped like a python around his body, his head sliding halfway off the pillow as he grew a tad too comfortable. But, alas, the scarce light peering through the louvre doors reminded him he was cramped up inside of a closet. That would explain the ache in his side and why his "mattress" was so hard.

But that wasn't why Yixing woke up. It was the smell of green tea and honey with a hint of lemon that whispered his name. It was his favourite tea to drink just before bedtime or when he was suffering a fatigue-induced headache (more often than not, admittedly).

And it was coming from outside the door.

Knuckles rapped softly on the wood, followed by a faint, "Xing?"

Yixing jumped, clutching his heart as if it'd leap from his chest. "Taozi?"

"Gege, please come out." The pout in Zitao's voice was palpable. Yixing could easily imagine his lower lip jutted out, cat-eyes wide and glittery. He smiled fondly.

"I'm not coming out."

Zitao sighed. "Ge—"

"You come in."

There was a hesitant silence before Yixing heard the rustling of movement. He scooted over to make room just in time as evening light flooded the somewhat claustrophobic space. Like a bat in the daytime, Yixing winced and shielded his eyes, prompting Zitao to murmur apologies as he swiftly sealed the door shut.

Zitao, like the awkward boy he could be, pressed himself to the wall, cradling the mug of tea to his chest. Even in the semi-dark, Yixing could make out the wide, anxious look in Zitao's eyes. Yixing followed his gaze to the spread out blankets. It dawned on him then.

Yixing laughed, patting the mat. "You can come in Tao. You're invited."

Zitao carefully lowered himself to the floor, holding his breath until his bum touched the fraying quilt. He let out a nervous giggle. "I've never been in a nest before."

"I've never made one." Yixing reached out for the mug. "For me, right?"

"Yeah. Kyungsoo made it."

Yixing hummed, inhaling the pleasing aroma. His nose furrowed. There was something else there too. Something woodsy.

Zitao frowned. "You don't like it?"

Yixing carefully set down the mug, crawling over to the younger. Zitao inwardly panicked at Yixing's sharp blue eyes, a hand overcoming the space between them. Zitao held his breath as Yixing cupped his neck, gingerly pressing his nose into the tiny area behind Zitao's heavily pierced ear. He stifled a giggle at the ticklish sensation but willingly craned his head a bit for Yixing to press deeper. And that he did, a pleased rumble resonating from his chest, palm caressing the fine blonde strands of Zitao's undercut.

Zitao snickered. "Did you just purr, ge?"

"Mhm...you smell like eucalyptus. Is that why they sent you?"

"It's a stress reliever." Zitao shrugged, pouting a bit as Yixing backed away, taking his gracious scent and warmth with him. He settled back into his mound of blankets, nursing the mug of tea with a tiny, meek smile on his lips. Zitao hugged his long legs to his chest, resting his chin atop his knee to watch the dancer take small sips of the steaming beverage.

"We're sorry."

Yixing paused, lips hovering over the rim. He stared into the mug, the surface rippling with a tiny ray of light sneaking through the door cracks. "It's alright." His voice came out too small, too uncertain for his words to be true.

"I'm serious ge. This should've been a happy day for you, but we ruined it." Zitao huffed, and Yixing glanced up to see the other's infamous pout settled on his keen lips. The beta wasn't looking Yixing's way, choosing to stare at the floor with a regretful air about him; the threat of tears shining in his eyes. A protective urge overcame Yixing, and it was that urge that spurred him to set the mug down once again, leaning over to beckon Zitao with a tug of his wrist. Though the younger was made of a long torso and gangly limbs, Yixing worked with the small space they were allotted, pulling Zitao between his legs to cradle his head to his chest. Zitao spluttered in surprise but soon melted as Yixing coaxed his ear to lay between his sternum. With the newfound proximity, Yixing's scent engulfed Zitao and the beta felt like he was floating on cloud nine, a daze overtaking his mind as Yixing cooed and ran his fingers through Zitao's hair, rocking back and forth.

Zitao laughed, instinctively wrapping his arms around Yixing's waist. "This is backwards ge. I'm supposed to be holding you."

"Yeah, well," Yixing kissed the crown of the boy's head, humming. "I had the sudden need to coddle you."

"Is it an omega thing?"

Hum. "Probably."

Zitao tipped his head back to look at the older man, an iffy smile tugging at his lips. "Everyone's downstairs. We need to talk."

"That we do."

"Ge."

"Hm?" Yixing wasn't sure when his eyes had fluttered shut or when he'd rested his cheek upon Zitao's, unintentionally humming.

"You don't seem scared anymore."

Yixing hummed in agreement. He did, somehow, feel serene. That frazzled feeling that overflowed in his veins had dissipated. Now he felt well-rested, calm. He chuckled. "Your scent does wonders, Taozi."

Zitao beamed proudly, fingers curling into the fabric bunched at Yixing's hips. "We can go down there together."

Yixing thought about stepping out of his nest. There was a nudge at his calm, his anxiety knocking mockingly. Zitao scented the shift in his demeanour.

"Please, ge?"

"Yeah." Breathed through his nose; exhaled through trembling lips. "Yeah, yeah okay."

 

Stepping out of his haven left Yixing feeling exposed and naked. Like a tidal wave, agitation washed over him and flooded his veins with severe unease. It was warm inside, but Yixing felt like it was a hundred degrees more, sweat breaking out on his nape. Zitao was rooted beside him, living up to his promise as he held Yixing's hand to tug him along. Descending each step made Yixing's heart beat madly, his steady breaths coming out bated as the air changed, thick with the fragrances signature to his bandmates; to his pack. Yixing used to remember them by the cologne they wore or the body wash they frequently used to lather in. Those were safer. Those didn't have the underlying components that could drive Yixing absolutely _crazy_.

Zitao had suggested he wear a face mask, but the accessory wasn't impenetrable. Holding his breath could only last so long.

And then they came into view, cramped on the single sofa they had salvaged from the clearance section in the department store. There were a lot of memories on that piece of furniture; shared blankets as they napped, spilt milk and video game fests, wrestling matches and the endless scenarios that came with co-habitation.

But this. _This._

Junmyeon jumped up first, eyes threatening to flare that deep maroon. But he wielded the alpha back in, warm honey settling back into his irises. His voice was soft, albeit strained. "Hi, Xing."

Yixing smiled warily, though only his crinkled eyes showed. It was enough for half of the men to relieve a sigh, but the tension in the air was still thick, all-encompassing.

"I'm sorry hyung," Baekhyun blurted, hands clasped tightly on his folded knees. The sincerity on his face was heavy, a hint of uncharted self-loathing written into the furrow of his brow over big puppy eyes.

Yixing was always weak to big, puppy eyes. In fact, it seemed everyone was sulking, looming in their respective spaces like a group of neglected, kicked pups.

Now somewhere in Yixing said that didn't look right. Why weren't they smiling? Why wasn't his pack their usual rowdy selves, caving the cushions in with their rowdiness and disturbing the peace with mindless banter? He blinked.

 _His pack._ Yixing had never felt such a rush of entitlement. They were his pack. What did he have to be afraid of?

He lifted his hand to the mask, and Zitao squeezed his fingers a little tighter; spines whipped straight and breaths halted. Yixing pushed the fabric down to his chin and bravely took a deep lungful of air. Like a trigger, his irises lightened into endless azure, senses kicking into overdrive. Similar to earlier, his head went ten times lighter, and his knees shook. It was like a drug, thick and heady, going straight into his chest where it pooled like liquid, warm and liberated. He felt everything, tasted it heavy and frantic on his tongue. The convergence sent Yixing tumbling over the metaphorical edge, his nerves crackled with electricity. It pulled an almost inaudible, vulnerable whimper from his throat, lashes fluttering as a rather pretty rose filled his cheeks.

This was his pack.

Lightheaded, Yixing carefully lowered into the empty lounge chair purposefully left unclaimed, tugging Zitao down with him. The boy flushed as Yixing carefully positioned them similar to their escapade in the closet, yet so much closer. Yixing tucked Zitao's head beneath his chin, instantly raking his hands through the thick strands.

Some watched in awe. Others envious (mostly envious).

"It's okay," Yixing murmured, a pale flush filling his cheeks at the utter scrutiny of his pack. "I—I'm okay."

"We talked about asking the director to give you an apartment," Yifan said.

" _No._ " Yixing flinched at the urgency in his voice, clearing his throat. "I'm not going anywhere, Duizhang. I belong here."

"But-"

"You know I do." Yixing interrupted, surprised at his ability to make out words when his brain felt like mush. He sniffed; who was it that smelled like mint? _God_ it was driving him insane. "I don't—I don't want to leave, gege. Don't make me leave."

"We're not making you do anything, Yixing," Luhan was quick to wave away the nonsense. "But we don't want you to be uncomfortable either."

"I'm not, just," Yixing breathed shakily. _Fuck._ He couldn't think. What were words? And was he trembling? Shit, he was.

Zitao laced his fingers with the omega's, easily engulfing the slender digits with his own. "Do you want to go back to your nest ge?"

"No," Stubborn, as usual. Even though his omega, his stupid _reckless_ omega was screaming _fuck the rules and bare your throat_.

Tempting. Yixing really, really wanted to bare his throat.

Chanyeol scooted forward, hands fluttering in worry at how antsy Yixing was getting. "Are you okay?"

"I just need to get used to this, to b-being," He stammered. "Being," He repeated. He inhaled.

He _snapped_.

The desperate, keening cry that left Yixing's lips was a sound no one had heard from the dancer before. He was stupefied by it himself, tasted the neediness his omega secreted; it was dull, pungent desperation on his tongue.

As the closest, Zitao got an earful and jolted in shock, the colour in his cheeks darkening to that of fresh raspberry. "G-ge?"

Yixing shoved his face into the beta's neck as his cheeks burned in embarrassment, breath quick and hot against Zitao's skin. "I'm sorry," He muttered, voice muffled. The red dusting the tips of his ears was enough to showcase his humiliation.

Despite themselves, several voices cooed in dumbfounded endearment. Yixing groaned and hid further.

"What's wrong?" Minseok, ever the reasonable one. There was bemusement in his tone.

Yixing sighed. "You all smell so, _so_ damn good."

"Speak for yourself," Sehun snorted.

Yixing only bemoaned his fate, stroking the curve of Zitao's neck with the cold tip of his nose. It was the beta's turn to purr like an overgrown kitten, a slightly cheeky grin curling the corner of his lips at the annoyed looks reflected in his pack's eyes.

Regaining some repose, Yixing peeked from the junction of Zitao's shoulder, not trusting himself to peel away from where the stress-relieving eucalyptus scent was most potent. "I'm not going anywhere," He reiterated. "We just have to try."

Just like that, the pack was at ease from Yixing's ruling. They just needed to know if he would be alright; if Yixing would stay. The thought of him leaving, omega or not, stabbed knives in hearts. It was an experience no one wanted the pleasure of enduring.

Baekhyun silently raised a hand. "I have a question, Xinggie."

Yixing hid his smile. "Yes?"

"When you're done with Tao, can I go next?"

Cue the chaos.

Yixing only laughed, amused.

He could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to ask questions if you're confused about something (or if i fucked up on grammar. again).
> 
> Copyright© YinKai 2018


	6. A/N

i just wanted to say i'm not dead, its just been a buuusy summer and i dont want to do anything to jeopardize this fic

so expect an update within the next week or so? maybe two updates. *shrugs*

if anyones still keeping up with this anyway, lol.

-Yin


	7. Chapter Six | Not Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is short and i wanted to strive for a 5k limit but ive been hella busy and couldn't get my head on straight. 
> 
> i dont think this is good or long enough for how long you've been waiting but forgive me. i promised an update and i will fulfill that promise.
> 
> Status: Edited 08.18.18
> 
> all mistakes are mine.

He couldn’t get used to it.

Contrary to what was said, their schedules were growing busier and busier by the day. Downtime became a scarcity, so they never got around to talking about the ‘conditions’ with Yixing’s new omega status. He was used to the boy’s clinging to him nowadays, leeching off of his scent. Sometimes it was nice, but sometimes Yixing felt like he was drowning in a pool of responsibilities and pressure, trying to satisfy everyone. Worrying if he was doing enough. That and he walked on nails around his members and just about anyone, scared of another incident like Baekhyun’s. He noticed how much his demeanour changed. How prone and cautious he was to his surroundings now. His senses were unreal, a gracious gift. His body, on the other hand...

It was a bit terrifying how drastic Yixing’s body changed in the period of two weeks since he'd left the impersonal comfort of the hospital. The him before was lean with muscle pounded into his body from endless hours spent in the dance room, perfecting the same move over and over until his lungs burned and knees screamed.

Now, staring at into the fogged mirror, he realised his physique had completely changed with a frown. There was an extra layer of flesh at his chest that certainly hadn’t been there before, creating a tiny but soft mound (odd as it sounded, he swore his nipples were pinker and wider than he remembered). Yixing covered them as if they were scandalous, eyes dragging down to his narrow waist before his hips. He was glad those hadn’t changed. What a catastrophe it would be to learn how to dance with a new set. But that didn’t distract Yixing from the fact his stomach was no longer firm but supple. There was extra fat where his thighs met his hips. They were still thick, but the muscle was subdued by softer, malleable flesh. He squeezed them just to check, gasping when he could grab a decent handful of his thighs. Well _that_ was certainly new.Growing more and more horrified with each discovery, Yixing bashfully turned to access his backside, jaw dropping to the floor.

Good god, was all of his food going to his _ass?_

Confused, Yixing blinked rapidly, not recognising this new, altered figure. Granted, he had never been able to acquire muscle as well as Sehun or Baekhyun during conditioning or their little gym sessions. But Yixing took pride in the lean dancer's body he built for himself.

His new status stripped him of that appearance of strength. It created the illusion of someone delicate, fragile. He was none of those. He would never _be_ any of those. 

Yixing hated it. 

So caught up in a staring—glaring—contest with his contempt reflection, Yixing didn’t hear the door creaking on its hinges, cool air mingling with the cloud of steam billowing from the bathroom. 

“Hyung are you—Oh.” 

Yixing’s head snapped quick, neck popping at the abrupt movement. They had seen each other naked before in quick showers together when the time was tight. But Yixing had been careful as of late, not planning to take any chances after what happened with Baekhyun, even if he had apologised profusely for days. And a week after. Now that avoidance streak was broken with Chanyeol standing rock still in the doorway, big eyes wide as he openly gawked. 

Yixing snatched the towel from the counter, hastily trying to hide behind it. “Get out.” There was a sharp bite to the words that had Chanyeol flinching.

A dark flush tinted Chanyeol’s prominent ears. He eyes flew to his feet, fumbling to close the door. “S-Sorry, I wasn’t—I was just-I didn’t—I-I’m sorry.” _Slam._

Yixing deflated, crumpling to the cold, wet tile as his crippling self-confidence joined him. He never had much to begin with, but pretending to be strong was his forte. In reality, Yixing was weak. His insecurities were shot to high hell. He was plagued by the strangling hands of doubt.

 _”You’re beautiful,”_ Minseok had muttered that morning in the hospital, turning Yixing’s insides into molten lava.

Yixing only saw someone grotesque and deformed. His skin itched and tingled with the person he'd become. 

 

“I didn’t think I’d see you back here any time soon, Yixing.” Dr Woo smiled softly, laid back in her office chair. The wrinkles in her eyes were happier and genuine. The joy on her face was an expression Yixing was so unfamiliar with, he was wary if it was real or not. He didn’t expect himself to be back either, considering he didn’t need special care anymore.

Not technically. 

Yixing chuckled under his breath, fiddling with his thumbs. He’d bitten his nails to the cuticle from how anxious he was on the full hour bus ride to the hospital without his bandmates or the company knowing. If they knew what he was doing, they wouldn’t have let him go in the first place. Yixing pretended to be intrigued with a figurine on Dr Woo’s desk, nudging the kitten bobblehead. “Can I have a prescription of suppressants?”

Shock etched onto the doctor’s middle-aged features as an uncomfortable silence settled in the office. Yixing shifted anxiously, guiding his palms beneath his thighs as they began to sweat despite the lukewarm room temperature. 

“Yixing...You’ve been waiting all this time to present and now—,” Dr Woo gaped in confusion, lashes fluttering fast at the unfathomable request. “You want to hide it?”

Yixing winced, eyes falling to his lap. He wasn’t proud of himself either. He knew he should have been grateful, especially to this woman who had been with him through the years, encouraging him and giving more hope and optimism than Yixing ever could. He chewed on his lip roughly, glad that the low brim of his cap hid the tears gathering in the pink of his eyes. “I’m not fit to be omega. Especially not an omega male.”

“Yixing,” The woman said chidingly yet soft. She rose from her desk, rounding it to crouch in front of Yixing, gently taking his hand in her's. Dr Woo’s palms were worn with age, but fragile in Yixing’s larger, calloused youthful hands. “I’m not a therapist, but you can speak to me.”

Yixing timidly raised his eyes to the woman’s maternal gaze. He saw compassion and honesty. He saw someone who was willing to listen. Like a great tsunami, the emotions Yixing had been holding back flooded his being all at once. Tears freely trickled down his ruddy cheeks as he stuttered to speak between quiet sobs. “I don’t want to disappoint them.” 

“Who?”

“My pack.” 

Dr Woo made a soft ‘ah’ of understanding, a mirthful chuckle mingling in her throat. “Oh, Yixing.” Her thumb swiped at his wet cheeks. “You won’t.

“I will.”

Dr Woo pursed her lips. “If you care about them so much, shouldn't you consult them first?”

“No!” Yixing snapped, recoiling apologetically. He thought back to the red-eyed Minseok pinning the thrashing Baekhyun. The group that disbanded because of a single omega. Yixing didn’t feel like a blessing. He felt like a curse. “They wouldn’t understand. Besides, it's my body.”

“Scent blockers may be alright considering your reputation as an idol, but suppressants are a different story. If taken too frequently over time, they can harm you.” Dr Woo explained seriously with a crease between her brows. Her grip on Yixing’s hands had tightened, gaze firm. “Do understand that?”

Yixing sniffed, hanging onto her every word. His mind and body screamed differently, but his heart whispered to _Trust her._ He ignored the latter. “Yes.”

Dr Woo searched his eyes for any sign of reconsideration before giving into his stubborn gaze, the set of her lips firm. “Okay.” Dr Woo stood, scribbling on a sticky note. “I’ll start you off with a small prescription for now.”

 

The bus didn’t arrive to the terminal until a quarter past nine at night. Yixing had rid in complete silence, zoned out from the rest of reality as he stewed in his thoughts and misery. For the entire ride he’d moped in the farthest, darkest corner, laughing at how cruel the universe was. How ironic was it that he had been so distraught on never presenting, and now he was afraid of it? Would he have been happier if he were an alpha? A beta?

_Either way, you would’ve been a disappointment._

The back of Yixing’s eyes stung with hot tears that joined the old ones dried on his cheeks, dripping from his chin to the stain the concrete as he made the short trek home on foot. His pack would’ve counted on him being an omega, wouldn’t they? If he’d presented as anything else, he would’ve been useless.

_You’re not even a real omega. You are useless._

“Xing?”

Yixing snapped from the deprecating shadows from his thoughts. There was Kyungsoo on the sofa, skin tinted from the soft blue of the television screen. Yixing didn’t remember arriving home, much less stepping through the door. Glad that the lights were off (everyone must’ve turned in early), Yixing ducked his head to obscure his dishevelled appearance, crouching to unlace his shoes. “Hey Soo.”

Kyungsoo sat upright, low voice nearly softer than the light chatter of the actors drifting through the quiet room. “You’ve been gone all afternoon.Where have you been?”

Yixing bit the tip of his tongue as he held back the truth. _Would you be upset with me, if you knew?_ “Had to run a few errands.” He threw his coat on the hanger, hastily trying to make his way to the stairs before the younger could stop him.

“Hey hey, where you running off to so fast?” Kyungsoo puffed cute little peals of laughter, patting the empty cushion beside him. His lap was empty, a temptation to rest his head upon. “Come keep me company for a while?”

The urge to reject Kyungsoo was hard; almost nonexistent. Defeated, Yixing shuffled his way over to the sofa, plopping down ungracefully. 

A full cushion away from the alpha. 

Kyungsoo frowned. “Aren’t you going to sit closer?” 

“I’m fine here.”

“...Alright.”

Silence. Yixing was tense in his corner, too aware of every movement Kyungsoo made. He knew the alpha was throwing him concerned looks, but Yixing blatantly ignored them, palm pressed to his face to hide the tear tracks on his cheeks and the puffiness beneath his eyes that would give away his earlier crying fest. He didn’t need anyone to worry about him, he didn’t want them to.

The lack of talking was grating as the quiet stretched on. It was painful to resist dozing off in Kyungsoo’s welcoming lap, taking in lungfuls of jasmine and honey. To cope, Yixing zoned out, not even sure what they were watching anymore. Not that he was really watching anyway. Taking a peek at Kyungsoo, the alpha didn’t seem to be paying attention either. He had that far off look in his eyes where he was deeply thinking about something..

Taking a chance, Yixing stood with a fake yawn, arms popping over his head. “It’s getting late. I’m gonna shower and go to bed.”

Kyungsoo snapped out of his daze, throwing a reserved smile. “Okay. Do you want me to make you some tea before you go to sleep?”

“No, not tonight.” Yixing feigned one of his dimpled smiles, bounding up the steps two at a time. Once trapped in the bathroom, he reached into his jacket pocket for the tiny pill bottle. They were small, no larger than a watermelon seed. Odorless and colourless. 

_For your pack. Do it for them._

Swiftly, Yixing swallowed two dry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright© YinKai 2018


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